Floating Amongst Chaos

I’m at the point now where I have no clue what I am doing. I am half living at home being a kid and half trying to branch out and become the adult I have been wishing to become. Everyone always told me you don’t want to grow up, and boy am I starting to see why.

I recently finished up my first year of college over a month ago, and that year felt like I was a chicken running around with its’ head cut off not knowing what was going on. It is hard to keep your wits about you when life comes full force and hits you like a semi-truck at full speed, that then backs up and hits you again. Nothing prepares you for college, or the real world.

I feel like there are two types of people when it comes to entering the ‘real world.’ There are those people who start by dipping their toe into the water to test it, then slowly they dip their feet in, and then they’re waist level and eventually they have submerged themselves in the water. I know many people who approach college and this new found freedom one little submersion at a time. And then there are people like me, who get a running start and cannonball into the deep end of the pool breaking the surface gasping for air. Might as well go all in am I right?

When I graduated high school I thought I had the next 4-5 years of my life planned out, or at least had a good idea of what it would look like. I entered college planning on doing Pre-Vet but ended my first semester frustrated and discouraged with the college level science and math. Thus leading me to completely drop the pre-vet course and take random classes I thought I would enjoy. Compared to first semester, my second one was much better as my eyes were opened to the worlds of sociology and criminal justice and I then decided I would major in Social Work with a minor (or double major) in Criminal Justice, my goal was to become a Social Worker within the Corrections system.

But that thinking was two months ago.

I am not so sure now.

My level of excitement and enthusiasm of having an idea of what I wanted to do in college disappeared and I began to question whether or not this is what I was meant to do, or if there is something else out there.

See, as the world around me continues on, and my friends and family live their own lives I feel as if I am just floating along with them. I don’t have a direct course of action, rather I am just, floating, not really going anywhere in particular but at least going somewhere.